


Mirror Thoughts

by weeping00willow



Category: Jake and Amir
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2013-11-16
Packaged: 2018-01-01 17:46:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1046726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weeping00willow/pseuds/weeping00willow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A peek inside Jake's head on an ordinary day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mirror Thoughts

He hates that voice. Hates that nasal high pitch that keeps ringing in his ears even minutes after he finally shuts up. Hates the way he repeats his name over and over again and how he always interrupts him when he's trying to work. 

He hates being slapped in the face for no apparent reason, hates being stabbed or shot at or poisoned, hates having to go to the ER every few weeks with broken bones. He hates not knowing whether the next time the idiot will go too far and end up killing him by mistake, for real.

He hates being watched all the time, never having a minute to himself, hates having every aspect of his life dissected, videotaped and chronicled in those fucking ledgers he'd like nothing more than to just burn. He hates being exposed, hates having all his faults spread out on a silver platter for him to see, hates that somebody else has so much power over him by knowing all his secrets.

He hates the way destiny just bends around him, how he gets away scot free with all the stupid stunts he pulls. It's even amazing that he is still alive at this point. He hates the guy's luck. He for one has never been this fortunate.

So many things he hates. But still... but still...

He loves the way he smiles, with all his teeth, throwing his head back, without restraint. It's like the sun shines brighter and the air gets warmer and more fragrant for just that moment, and he stops short to just watch, soak it all in, soak in the miracle of him, of his presence, he wants to get drunk on that smile.

He loves the way his skin tastes on his tongue, the way his stubble catches against his lips when he kisses the column of his throat. Loves the way his body moulds itself against him, like they were made for each other, like there will never be a more suitable permutation than the two of them, clashing together so hard he wouldn't be able to say where one ends and the other one begins.

And although he says he hates it, he actually loves that someone else knows him completely, sees him for who he really is and still looks at him like he just hung the moon, like he's a much better man, the kind of man he wishes he could be, the kind of man he thinks he could truly become, now that someone else believes it too. He never wants those eyes off him, ever again. He knows that he will turn to smoke and wash away in the breeze when that happens, because only his eyes on him make him feel solid and real.

And, yeah, that loud obnoxious voice isn't really that bad when it screams his name out loud, like a litany, a prayer, never held back because that's who he is, there for anyone to see if they only bother to look, and fuck it, he never wants to look away as he whispers the other man's name and they both chase that ever fleeting high towards the brink. 

He knows that even despite the broken bones and stupid accidents, he's never felt safer in his life, because it's not the body that he worries about, not really, not anymore now that he feels the place beneath his ribs fill with something unquantifiable and heady, and every breath he takes now is a breath of life.

So there isn't much to hate about him, not where it really counts. And Jake blesses his luck for the first time he can remember, because it brought him in his life and made it that much lighter with every smile, and every stupid stunt and every time those words are whispered just for him. Only a dumbass would choose to win the lottery over that.


End file.
